Monday, July 30, 2007

The heart of cool.

An exploration and dissection of the dangerous allure of the weapon.
The gun itself

Guns are deeply sexy, they are seen as being phallic extensions and the extension goes as long as far as wide as the bullet is fired, as far as it goes your ego extends with it. Besides this they are also deeply aesthetically pleasant, and besides that and what’s more on a more practical note they are great equalizers no matter how small and week you may be they give you power, immediate, uncomplicated power, though not necessarily strength.
You’d think that women, they themselves not possessing penises, would somehow escape the lure of the gun and yet it has to be said that if when a man holds a gun he is holding, in ideal, an extension of his own penis then, similarly when a woman holds a gun she is holding a penis, something that she does not have and yet if she is heterosexual then it is, and I know that this probably sounds patronizing and sexist, something that she desires. So there’s an attraction there and what’s more the gun also makes her equal to a man not just in the way that I have already discussed but also in a conceptual way, in that, and once again I know that this will sound sexist, it gives her a penis. Interestingly also, if a woman shoots a man, even if its not with his own gun, it’s like, in so much as the gun represents the penis, shooting him with his own weapon, running him through with his own sword, the ultimate in humiliating defeats, and a very interesting and alluring concept in post feminist times.
In an interesting side note, this concept of the gun as penile extension finds its mirror image, by which I mean its exact opposite, things in a mirror being reversed, in a Native American folk tale of one of their Gods who seeing an attractive female someway across the road, extends his penis across to meet her, before it is cut down, or rather run over by White Europeans coming down in their wagons with their guns, the idea being that the White man came down with his superior military weapons, conquered and thus emasculated the natives.

an evening of one guy asking loads of boring questions that only interest him.

‘Why aren’t Jay and Bob on the cover of Dogma, were pictures done for you, and if so why weren’t they used on any part of the DVD?’

‘Is there any reason why duo’s, especially male duo’s, feature so much in your films, or is it just accidental?’

‘How do you feel about seemingly having started the careers of so many people some of whom would if it were not for you have any sort of movie career?, and do you think this is something that your going to try to continue doing?’

‘You referred to yourself watching “Dora the explorer” while stoned, but you live with Jason Mewes who I have been led to believe is as well as being a comedy genius also a recovering drug addict, so are there any problems with that?’

‘In Chasing Amy Silent Bob talks about having a life outside his friendship with Jay, have you ever thought of doing a Silent Bob solo story?’

‘Why do you never have yourself listed as a star’

‘On the cover for “Jay and Silent Bob strike back” why is it that you have Ben Affleck and Chris Rock when really they just have cameos in the movie’

I know that these questions and indeed their answers are not necessarily going to be entertaining but frankly that’s Kevin Smith’s problem these are just things that I would really like to know, I figure that finding out stuff that you really want to know is kinda the purpose of a Q and A session, and besides Kevin Smith can make anything funny.

The diary entry that tried to kill me 3

An interesting fellow

Met an interesting fellow in there, he instantly (before having spoke to him) reminded me of my old friend Deputy Director Skinner, a sort of separated at birth kinda thing though he did not as it turned out sound anything like him but there it seemed to me to be some sort of connection in the sort of way he spoke or rather the things he said though now I don’t think so. He did not like the work, seemed to think it to be somehow spiteful towards god, fairly stupid thing to say really, however he did make an interesting observation about Hirst benefactor Charles Saatchi having made his money doing the advertising for cigarettes and how a lot of Hirsts and for that matter the other YBAs early work being based around cigarettes and now you come to this show and you have these cancer cell pieces. We also discussed McDonald’s, George Michael, and the nature of free choice within the concept of a law abiding society.


Some names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty.

To be continued.......................................

Friday, July 27, 2007

Guns ARE cool.

David Cameron, the Eton educated Blair copyist leader of the Conservative party, has recently said that ‘we need to tackle gun and knife crime not simply by imposing harsher sentences but also by changing the culture so that knifes and guns are no longer seen as being cool’, but the fact of the matter is that they are COOL. This is no matter of taste or opinion, guns, knifes, and for that matter bombs, are cool. These things are death bringers and power givers, they speak to something in the human spirit un-touched by politics, reform, and the philosophy of moderation, a certain violence, a bloody strength, a throbbing power, the idea of blood, and of penetration running through the human mind not soon be removed, and to make matters worse any such surgery would undoubtably have complications and leave scars so deep and impossible to heal that it must be seen to be better leave it as it is, like an inoperable tumor, at the heart of cool is the icy calm power of death.
And remember de-thorned roses are often less beautifull, and a de-clawed cat is useless.

An evening of one guy asking really boring questions that only interest him.

I’ve just been watching the London half of ‘An evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening harder’ and shit, these Americans come over here and always act like we Brits are so much smatter than them, and usually I’d agree with that but on this occasion fuck me so many of the questions this audience asked were so dumb a lot of the time it seemed like they they’d never seen any of his movies and just thought ‘he’s just some funny American’ and he is but he’s had an interesting movie career and I think only about 3 maybe 4 or 5 people asked questions about his films. One guy asked him something along the lines of, if he had to be half man half sausage which way round would he have it.

If I was there I would have asked stuff like...............

‘Silent Bob is on the cover of Clerks but Jay isn’t, I’ve seen a Q and A’s where Jason Mewes says that he wasn’t invited or something, was there more to that story that you or he didn’t want to discuss at the time?’

‘I think that all the covers for your DVD’s have group photo’s on them except for Mallrats which has a kinda shitty looking collage sort of thing on it, why didn’t you use some of that kick arse comic art work on it instead?’

‘On the cover of Chasing Amy Ben Affleck doesn’t have a beard even though he does have one in the movie, what’s with that?, and also why are Jay and Bob on it even though they don’t play such a major role in it and their only in one scene?, if you needed to make up numbers why didn’t you just use the black dude, whose name at this time escapes me, he looks cool, and he’s in quite a bit of the movie and plays a more important role than Jay or Bob?’


To be continued................................................

The diary entry that tried to killed me 2

Lunch and formaldehyde

Went and got a cheese sandwich and a drink then left off for the new Damien Hirst show at the White Cube (it was split between the two White Cubes we ended up going to just the one and saying that we’d finish it off later) came in the show after getting a bit lost as usual saw the tied up and darted bull piece and felt a great shock of glee found it to be very beautiful and not in an odd way at all, wanted to touch it in fact, loved its fur, then saw the piece with the tiny skeleton in the ICU and felt a great shock of emotion, strange I did not think something so clinical could produce such feelings, everything else was pretty shit though, the paintings were boring, the cancer cell pieces were just really studenty, reminded me of the sort of thing you’d see at my old uni, as for the skinned and crucified cows or whatever they were well they were very odd, but that’s all, just odd, nothing more.

To be continued.............

Thursday, July 26, 2007

and in local news............

Man convicted of sexually harassing the paramedic who was treating him for being paralytically drunk and lying in the middle of the road. He’s given a thirteen month sentence but the guys homeless so what does he care, free room and food not much bad in that. However he’s going to sign on to the sex offenders register for the next ten years which puts down his options as to what jobs he can go for, and puts down the likelihood of him getting those that he does go for, basically meaning that he is now more likely to remain on the streets once he gets out. This can’t be good for society. Funny thing though not really funny more sorta tragic well maybe not tragic just really dumb is you’d think that cos he was so drunk [paramedics described him as having been paralytic which brings to mind a questions as to how he did it, doesn’t it] he wouldn’t be held accountable for his actions but the judge discounted this as the man had a history of drunkenness, the homeless man convicted of the crime not the judge I mean though you could believe that though couldn’t you cos his history of drunkenness, the homeless man convicted of the crime I mean not the judge, seems to me has no bearing on whether he was in control of his own actions or not.

The diary entry that tried to kill me 1

Prologue

Went out with Agent Mulder, had to meet her later than usual, as she had a last minute blood test scheduled for the terribly precise times of, between 12 and 2 o’clock. Originally intended to leave at my usual time of 11: 30 and spend the extra time hunting for rare singles, (primarily, nine inch nails) in the back streets off oxford street, and perhaps even check in at orbital comics, but alas, curse my laziness, I got up late. I would have still have had an extra 20 minutes or so to bum around before we met up, but I thought best not risk it, you know how the trains are. As it turned out we could have met up earlier, I arrived at Gordon Hill, at about 1:40, waited a few minutes and then Agent Mulder got of her bus, turned out they gave her the blood test at 11:30, lying disorganized cunts [spell checker doesn’t recognize cunts fancy that].

To be continued........

Some names have been changed in order to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

Monday, July 16, 2007


My attempt at writing a diary, or atleast a blog post about my attempt at writing a diary.

I’ve been attempting recently to write a diary. Having had a particularly eventful day I spent two maybe three days writing nearly a thousand words and I was barely over half way through, what’s more I really didn’t feel like writing anything else for the rest of the week, not the rest of that entry, not a new entry, not even a new essay for my blog, so I figured screw this, this is too much work, course it took me about two weeks to come to that conclusions and frankly I’ve practically forgotten how to write, or at least I’ve forgotten how I write, which might not be such a bad idea, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from that attempted diary entry is that I am the king of diversion, I also learned a lot about narrative, which was also good.

Writers cloak and dagger, in leu of block.

I don’t have writers blocks, its just that the words die in my head, I have writers cloak and dagger, and if any blocks are involved there being thrown by that psycho, derailing my trains of thought and logic before they have a chance to turn into anything worth speaking of, and like a lot of things in life the only way round this problem is to tire the cunt out, throw as many trains of thought at him as possible, till he falls asleep, then get his dagger and slash the fucker’s throat, you just have to remember to bury the corpse good and proper, cos you might end up tripping over it. Well that went from the sublime to the ridiculous, but both parts are true, as far as it goes.